I have began this blog about six times, and some how my fingers have found the back space bar each time. I honestly do not know where to begin. The array of emotions myself and so many others have experienced throughout this past week is remarkable…
Satan is working SO hard right now, I know however, that my God is working harder. The murder of Kirsten Wolcott has been something extremely hard to grasp, accept, and understand. I am assuming that most of you have heard the horrific news, but if not I regret to inform you of the incident.. A fellow student missionary, from Southern Adventist University, who was teaching on the island of Yap (an island that is also part of the FSM just like Pohnpei) was murdered last week. I have heard varying details, but what I do know for sure is that they found her body, and it is unbelievably terrible. To be perfectly honest, I don’t think this sunk in nearly as much as it should have at first. I think I was in shock, so life continued on in a normal fashion for a couple days.
Then yesterday it hit me. I was entirely upset. This girl had been living a life ridiculously similar to mine these last three months. Dealing with the same struggles I faced as a new teacher, going to the island grocery store for the first time, receiving her first package from home, going running, experiencing exotic island fruits for the first time, falling in love with her students, having her fist wave of homesickness, discovering God in a new way, facing some bug or insect invasion, being overwhelmed with lesson plans, having her breath taken away from the beauty that surrounds us at these islands, and so much more. And to have her life taken in such a horrific way?
Earlier that day my kids made cards for the Wolcott family. It was absolutely adorable and heart warming. I had to fight tears from coming to my eyes in class. These fourth graders who had never met “Miss Wolcott” or any one of her family members were writing things like, “Dear Mr. and Mrs. Wolcott, we love your family so so much and will be praying for you every day.” or one girl who just lost a sister a few weeks ago said, “I hope Miss Wolcott is with my sister in heaven, we love you.” I told my kids that I would write some comforting bible texts on the board, and if they wanted to they could add one to their card. There was one verse however that I could not bring myself to write up on my dusty chalkboard. Hebrews 13:5 “Never will I leave you, Never will I forsake you.” How could I send that text to the parents of a missionary child who was just murdered? Where was God for Kirsten huh? It was simply appalling to me.
I decided to take my frustrations out on the track, questioning God with each stride. I just couldn’t grasp my mind around it. I felt like yelling, “GOD! SHE GAVE HER LIFE COMPLETELY TO YOU FOR A YEAR! WHERE WERE YOU?!?!” I replayed Hebrews 13:5 over in my mind again and again, and then it occurred to me. He was there the ENTIRE time. He was there while everything was happening, however appalling, terrible and horrific it was. He did not leave Kirsten, He did not forsake her, because He promised her that He would not. And God cannot lie because it would be a complete contradiction of Himself, of His word. For He is truth, His word is truth, and He is His word (John 1:1, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” ).
Just as my mind will never fully grasp the greatness of God until I stand before Him with a song in my heart and on my lips, my human mind cannot even come close to grasping the horrors of sin in this world. Until the time when I can understand both, I chose to follow the Truth. I chose to follow a Promise.
Yes, It is easy to be angry. Anger does not require faith. Anger does not require trust. Anger does not require love. But Hope does. This is what I pray we can all chose in this time. Jesus come soon, and until you do, guard our hearts and minds with Your peace, a peace that transcends all understanding.
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