Four Words.

Four words for my today...

Alone

Disappointed

Small

Forgotten

Dear Jesus, if I could please choose four words for my tomorrow...

 

Full

Sunshine

Hope

Anticipation

Thanks. You're the best. Hugs. 

A Love Affair

I am saying goodbye to a four year long love affair.  At first it was a love triangle, I was trapped between loyalty and love, and then it definitely turned into a full blown affair.  My heart used to belong to Southern California where I was born and raised.  The thing is, California treated me very well.  I loved the beach sunsets, the sand, the warm weather, and couldn't really see myself living anywhere else...but then...then I met Washington.  I was introduced to fall leaves, the joy of waking up to the first snow of winter, frosted trees, thick forests, chilled rivers, anticipation of spring and the colors that accompany it, a state that seemed to meet my adventurous heart with eager anticipation, challenging me to explore, to be free. 

So dear Southern California, consider this a formal apology.  I'm sorry, but I am now a Washington girl.  I am no longer confused or torn, the triangle has been eliminated, my heart now belongs to the snowcapped mountains, coffee shops, evergreen forests, and fresh air of the NorthWest. So thank you for the good times, for a wonderful childhood, for sunny days at the beach, but....well....I guess what i'm trying to say is...how do I put this? It's not you it's me.  I don't think I see this relationship going anywhere...and to be perfectly honest, I have kind of developed a huge crush on Washington. I hope this doesn't make things awkward between us, and I want you to know that I'd really love it if we could still be friends...

Cookies and Jesus.

Today I was baking cookies for a friend when it suddenly occurred to me that I was not baking by myself. I suddenly felt like swirling around my kitchen, and my heart was filled with a subtle and calming joy accompanied by a simple realization. I never bake alone. I never run alone, I never study alone, I never sleep alone, Jesus is always right there with me. Singing in the middle of an ocean, frolicking around my kitchen, snuggled up in my bed at night, He is the greatest built in best friend a girl could have.

As I have grown in Jesus I have grown in myself. A slightly loaded statement I suppose…I never used to be able to be by myself, I hated it. But now I enjoy the quite moments away from friends, family, and acquaintances because I have discovered that they are moments filled with the greatest of company of all. These are the moments when I am the furthest from being alone. Jesus understands me, my silliness, my desires, my dreams, my longing for adventure and love like no one ever will. When I get frustrated with recipes and decide that I have much better ideas, or when I get unbelievably excited about how beautiful the littlest flower is, or when I continue to snuggle up to my stuffed animal Larz every night even though I am 22 years old I feel Jesus there, giggling, adoring, and smiling at me, with me….and it is simply amazing.

A law firm and a bakery.

Practicality and my father are the bestest of friends. I feel like my father is constantly introducing us to one another, but the truth of the matter is practicality and I just don't get along very well. Yes, I have been known to be responsible, dependable, and even at times mature (one would assume that practicality would fit in quite nicely with the whole group), but though I have tried I can only accept him as an acquaintance.

Recently I have been asked by almost everyone I have run into what I will be doing next year after I have graduated. Jokingly I have begun stating that my big plan is to move to San Francisco to sing on street corners. Just about a week ago my father brought up this topic and suggested that I contemplate applying for law school. Being the proud parent that he is, he pointed out my dedicated drive to accomplishing whatever I put my mind to in life. Some days I wish this was a drive to be a doctor, a lawyer, someone prestigious and successful, someone that could be the bestest of friends with practicality. But what if it was the complete opposite? ...

I want to open a bakery, I want to sing, I want to be a missionary. Literally, I want to bake cakes and make up recipes for healthy cookies, I want to record music, I want to play soccer with little kids in the rain and sleep in a hut and ride a horse everywhere. How wonderfully ridiculous is that?

But wait...That's not how this whole thing is supposed to work is it? It's supposed to be college, then marriage, graduate school, a stable job, a cozy home, and then kids right? ...

Looks like I missed the memo...my dear friend impracticality must have forgotten to pass it on.

An invitation.

I originally started blogging due to my year as a missionary over seas. I felt that I no longer had a reason to write upon my return to the states so simply stopped. But though I am living in Washington my heart still sings, my life is still filled with dancing late hours of the night and experimental cooking. I may not have 24 children to delight in everyday or gorgeous island sunsets to take my breath away, but I have beautiful friends to drink tea and eat bagels with, and frosted trees outside my window that fill my heart with childlike joy. Adventure is just as much in my heart now as it was a year and a half ago, and writing still seems to bring a peaceful quietness to my soul. I find Jesus through the pages of my prayer journal and through song lyrics that sing to my heart. So on this Christmas Sabbath evening I have decided to pick up the pen again so to speak and start writing once more. Consider yourself invited to a glimpse into my heart through writings, lyrics, and dreams of the daughter of the King. I invite you to dream, cry, laugh, and sing with me here. Blessings, Courtney Breann

A blog worthy weekend..

Ok so I have been struggling with being sick the last few weeks and have also developed some strange stomach bug where I am randomly nauseous all the time. (Not fun! Going to the doctor about it tomorrow, pray we can figure out what it is!) This has affected my sleep significantly, and well what I’m trying to get at is, I was really tired and very happy it was finally Sabbath. However, the SM’s decided to take a trip to Kapinga that afternoon. There went my restful Sabbath. Kapinga is pretty much a little community that is about five minutes away from the school and twenty seconds away from our church. The first time I saw Kapinga I was speechless. Their houses are mostly little huts, clothes are strung out all over to dry, kids are walking along the street with dirty little faces and usually half naked etc. lets just say it is a culture shock compared to America. Anyway, I decided to join the group regardless of my tired mind and body, and I am so glad that I did! It was more rejuvenating than any nap could have ever been, maybe not physically but definitely emotionally. I played with the most precious children for about an hour and a half straight. Haha a group of the SM’s were cleaning boils and cuts, another group was singing with kids and telling a story, and I was running around doing ninja moves with about six little boys. It was great, haha I had a little flock that was unbelievably delighted with the thought of me chasing them, so there I was of course running around, tickling away, and swinging these little guys around. Just when I thought the trip couldn’t get any better I saw a little girl, and she saw me. I’m pretty sure my heart now belongs to a three year old… I still don’t know her name but I wish I could take her home! I officially had a Kapinga koala bear :) She wrapped her arms and legs around me and would not let go. She only wore a little pink skirt, no shirt or shoes, and an adorable smile I couldn’t say no to in a million years. I don’t think she understood English because she never responded to anything I said in words just merely smiled or hugged me tighter. If my heart wasn’t bubbling with enough joy, laughter, and love already, we left. This entailed about fifty kids racing after our truck all the way down the street. A good Sabbath afternoon indeed. :) God’s children are so precious and there are so many out there just dying to be loved. I wish I could love them all…

Later that night a group of us played basketball, I don’t think knock out has ever been so tiring or sweat inducing. Haha I was DRIPPING. Then Joel and I played one on one forever. I may not have won basketball that night but I certainly won the water fight afterwards, he was soaked :)

The next morning Joel, Amy, and I took the Youth out for a ride around the Island. We decided to stop at anything and everything “Pohnpeian”. Therefore we would randomly stop to take pictures with flowers, bridges, trash, random people, etc. We went down to the beach, went swimming in a river, Joel and I had a sword fight with bamboo we found, things like that :) I ate rice, coconut, and banana for lunch, a very island day. Then that night Joel and I played our third game of tennis. I’m not going to lie, he kind of dominated lol, but I just pretended like I let him on purpose just to infuriate him as much as possible ;) Although I may have lost one of our eleven games, I still managed to come out of the evening victorious. We made a bet on a rally at the end of our game and due to my victory I will me enjoying a free coconut in the very near future..

Now it’s our last week before spring break. I can’t WAIT! Barbie and I already have a list started of activities for the week. They include a multitude of fun festivities ranging from sleep (ah ha ha) to dance parties, to wakeboarding, to scuba diving, to mud football, to exploring waterfalls, and to renting scooters for a day, to more epic sleep. SO looking forward to it!!!! I don’t want to leave this island…I can’t believe I’m going to be on a plane heading home in two months…

Tennis. America vs. Australia

So I have recently discovered Pohnpei’s tennis courts. For those of you picturing a beautiful green tennis floor that a tennis ball could actually bounce on, complete with a net and nicely drawn white boundary lines let me restate my previous statement. I have recently discovered Pohnpei’s loose dirt and gravel floor courts, complete with barely visible black tennis lines that are the wrong measurements and approximately 3/4ths of a net. Non-the-less it something one may hit a yellow tennis ball over and has recently provided much entertainment. One of the Australian SM’s Joel and I started playing this past week. For those of you who have had the privilege of witnessing my competitive side I have inherited from my father, you can imagine that I immediately was no longer playing a casual game of tennis for enjoyment, but competing to defend my country’s honor and dignity as a woman. Haha these matches have turned into approximately 90% smack talk and 10% tennis. I would also like to declare that the last two tennis outings have ended in a victory for the United States and all women who inhabit the beautiful country. Joel and I have to walk for about 10-15 minutes to reach the tennis courts. Usually these walks include chatter, laughter, and the occasional blow to the opponent’s country. I can say with a stifle of laughter that last night was a very quiet walk home. Apparently I know how to shut up Australians. :) After last night the stakes of our so called “friendly” games were raised. We have now started an official tennis tournament that will most likely last till the end of the year. The bet was made official last night. Whoever wins the best of eleven tennis matches will get to enjoy watching their opponent suffer much humilation. I’m going to win so let me just tell you what happens when Joel loses haha. Joel will have to take me out to dinner while wearing a t-shirt that reads in bold letters “American Girls Are Better” along with having to make a video wearing all red, white, and blue and holding an American flag proclaiming that America is better and then post it on his facebook for the entire world to see. Along with having to wear his “American Girls are Better” t-shirt once he is home in Australia for an entire day (with photo proof). This entire bet is switched for me, I would theoretically have to declare that Australia was better while wearing a t-shirt that says “Australian girls are better” etc. Clearly Australians aren’t very smart because Joel decided to add onto the bet even more. Saying that if he can beat me the next 5 matches in a row than I will have to wear my “Australian girls are better” t-shirt five days in a row. If I win the next three in a row (adding up to five in a row) however, then he has to wear his “American girls are better” t-shirt for the next five days straight. When will this boy learn? I’ll have to keep everyone updated on this heated tennis tournament. Poor Australia…I actually feel just a little bad… :)